I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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