You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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