I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
