im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Come on in and take your pants off
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