Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize