Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
