It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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