Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
