somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
