Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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