I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
