In the future we'll all be gay
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
