I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize