Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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