I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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