so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
