ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
