I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize