I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
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i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
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officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go