Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.