I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.