toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool