I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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