The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
