She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
