i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
