pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
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He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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