kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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