Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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