Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
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you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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