last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
