I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
