I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
