sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
