You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
