i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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