I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
