yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
