I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
