There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
this must be what syphilis tastes like
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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