Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
