Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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