I CAN MOONWALK!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
