How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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