Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
