I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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