I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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