i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
