Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
