UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
only if we run a train.
done.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
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For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
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I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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