Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
