It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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