I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
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he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
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at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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