all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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