Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
