Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
