we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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