Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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