people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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