im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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