Barsexuality is the new black.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
