im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
