Your mouth is God's brothel.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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