my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
