Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
