Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
