We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
whose parrot is this?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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