At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
