Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize