I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
