i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.