the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
