Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.