why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
