hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.