I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
