Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think your dad took our porno
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
