Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
