he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me