I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
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where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?