Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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