i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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