I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
