god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize