haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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