Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
