mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
